I’m voting Democrat because I don’t hate myself enough for being white, male, educated, straight or middle class.
I’m voting Democrat because I believe that the best strategy in war is defeat. It broadens the mind to learn Japanese, German and Arabic. Talk about multiculturalism!
I’m voting Democrat because Al Gore says global warming is hiding under my bed, waiting to get me.
I’m voting Democrat because I want to assume absolutely no personal responsibility for my actions.
I’m voting Democrat because I’m mad that George W. Bush hasn’t caught Bin Laden. That’s because Bin Laden is the only Islamic terrorist in the world.
I’m voting Democrat because I’ve been whining like a ritalin-marinated toddler on a temper tantrum about my candidate having won a Presidential election for the last eight years, and I want to be right for once.
I’m voting Democrat because I believe that if I don’t have enough money, the solution is for the government to take more of my money. Who needs money when gas is $5 per gallon?
I’m voting Democrat because I believe that the ideal family is two homosexual bonobos, a goat and a parrot raising a human baby. Love and compassion is all it takes to make a successful family!
I’m voting Democrat because I’m not an individual. I’m a race, a gender, a religion (or lack thereof), and a sexual orientation.
I’m voting Democrat because I’d rather have gas prices be easily influenced by world markets rather than drill in the Anwar preserve set aside for the purpose of drilling. I think terrorists know how to use our money best.
I’m voting Democrat because it’s my body, and if I want to kill my baby, I’ll do it, even if its head is in the birth canal. If I want to cut out my intestines and feed them to the crocodiles, I’ll do that too.
I’m voting democrat because psychotic dictators like Amadinejad and Jong-Ill will listen to reason if I just talk to them instead of backing up my words with actions. I’ll buy them a beer.
I’m voting Democrat because our enemies on the battlefield deserve comfy hotel rooms, Pay-Per-View, prostitutes and all the benefits of American citizenship.
I’m voting Democrat because we need to make the illegal immigrants feel more at home by learning to speak Spanish. I think we should hand them welcome brochures that detail where to get government services and free Ipods at the border too.
I’m voting Democrat because having a picture of Jesus within 100 miles of me is offensive. Colored lights are offensive. Christmas trees are offensive. Hell, let’s just ban the whole holiday! Let’s put up lots of Ramadan decorations, more footbaths, more mosques and more Islam recruiting posters in our subways instead. Diversity is our strength.
I’m voting Democrat because I like the government making all of my decisions for me. I’m not smart enough to make them myself.
I’m voting Democrat because supporting a work-capable person on welfare for over 50 years is so noble. Anyone who doesn’t take pity on these poor souls don’t have a heart.
I’m voting Democrat because I believe we need other countries’ permission for me to turn down my thermostat.
I’m voting Democrat because I care about the real victims of crime — criminals.
I’m voting Democrat because the real cure for racism includes preferential policies based on race — particularly in presidential voting. If you believe that a black candidate ought to be qualified, as well as black, you’re worse than Bull Conner.
I’m voting Democrat because everyone deserves crappy healthcare. Sure, you’ll have to wait years for that life-saving cancer surgery. But it’s first come, first served at the cemetery!
I’m voting Democrat because I believe in minority rights (except in Muslim countries), free speech (with regard to pornography but not conservative talk radio), environmentalism (unless we’re talking about Al Gore’s house) and diplomacy (but never backed by the threat of military force).
I’m voting Democrat because Socialism needs another chance. Sure it failed eleventy billion times throughout history, but that’s only because we haven’t tried it yet!
I’m voting Democrat because I think the terrorists just need a big hug. I’m sure a little lovin will convince them to take their bombs off.
I’m voting Democrat because I like the words “hope” and “change.” Also “kazoo.” That’s a funny word.
I’m voting Democrat because I believe that America’s founders were rich, white, greedy xenophobes, and that America’s founding principles are hogwash requiring periodic editing from an unelected group of liberal judges.
I’m voting Democrat because I like the ideas they have over in France, but I don’t feel like moving there. I’ll threaten to move, but I really won’t. After all, I have a good job, healthcare, lower taxes, free speech and a social framework that promotes family structure. And all of it is defended by the most effective fighting force on the planet.
I’m voting Democrat because disagreeing with a black man is racism.
I’m voting Democrat because all of the history books were written by fascists with an agenda. America terrorized every country it ever set foot in, and stole candy from little babies.
I’m voting Democrat because I hate Bush. He caused 9-11, Katrina, and the nail I broke this morning.
I’m voting Democrat because successful entrepreneurs either oppressed a minority or were lucky, and don’t deserve their financial success.
I’m voting Democrat because I’m too historically ignorant to realize that we still have a large military presence in Japan and Germany.
I’m voting Democrat because I can’t get the new Iphone 3G yet, my new Hummer needs new tires already, and McDonald’s screwed up my lunch order. The economy is making life in the US a 3rd world country!
I’m voting Democrat because Sharia law sounds just neato.
I’m voting Democrat because I want the world to know that I want a weak America just like Europe does.
I’m voting democrat so I can roll over and die the next time some emo ass-clown with more prescription drugs than teeth in his body shoots up a public place. Because I can’t be trusted to personally own or carry a firearm. And I’m too unsafe to dare shooting back.
I’m voting Democrat because I want to screw one of our biggest allies in the Middle East for the third time in 20 years.
I’m voting Democrat so we can sell out everyone else the way we sold out the South Vietnamese.
If only the institution of far-left values resulted in a great country. Oh, well. That won’t stop me from voting Democrat, though.
After all, I’m voting Democrat because thought isn’t one of my strong suits.
This post was posted by Gary. Gary is a member of The Patriotic Resistance and a Patriot.
Please join The Patriotic Resistance @ http://www.resistnet.com
Filed under: Funny And True, Health Care, ObamaGarbage, Smoke and Mirrors, Voting | Tagged: al gore, arabic, communism, democrats, freedom, german, japanese, multiculture, obama, socialist, Voting, white |